ending.

i started re-watching HBO's Six Feet Under a few weeks ago. i came to the episode where Nate's wife's body is found and he illegally buries her to honor her wishes and it's as powerful as it was the first time around.. an image, an idea that has stuck with me for years.

i remember the summer i went to stay with my estranged grandfather a few years before i graduated art school. we were on a road trip to pick up my mother in norfolk and we passed the time talking about stories i'd never heard about my grandmother, their crazy youth spent together, and finally, of how her death had affected him years later.. there were so many things i wanted to ask him then. like, what was it like to watch the people you loved and grew up with start to die? the questions sat on the tip of my tongue. i never asked and part of me regrets it. i was afraid to disturb the camaraderie we'd developed maybe. we were a different sort, me and gramps.

he died in april. my mother told me the day after.

it didn't seem real then. still doesn't, in fact. i can remember the last time i saw him, freshly twenty-two, sitting in a diner near the beach before he drove me to the airport. i didn't think that would be the last time i made it east, or to see him no less. few years ago, he lost his feet and later, his legs to diabetes. he was in a home by then. mom and i discussed going to visit him.. we just knew. but i could never get the time off from all my jobs, i said. and ma couldn't leave until the end of the schoolyear.

i should have said fuck-all and gotten the time off. i should have scraped together the cash. it's silly, at my age i should have remembered that life does not wait for you. it will not wait for comfort-ability or opportunity.

my grandfather essentially died alone.. just like he had lived the bulk of his life. a man who learned too late how to love and let people in.. maybe he never really learned it at all.

new year.

so as it turns out, three jobs is a lot to handle. i've been absent for a long while. i've tried the whole tumblr thing, you know, "keep up with the new." but it has never felt right to me. it lost the personal feel, the part where you get to convey with words (and not just reblogged images) how you're feeling.
i know. it's ironic, isn't it? that an "illustrator" would hesitate from blogging images to convey emotion. but there are times when tumblr does a decent job, and many where it falters. for me, it's a lot more of the latter. pulse of pop culture be damned!
i'm getting older, thankfully so are you. but it's a new year, yeah? so i'm reflecting as people tend to do.
last year, i worked hard on two solo shows, a few graphic design projects and some commissions. i've got some stuff in the wings to start off the new year and hopefully by the end of this month, i'll have some news about t-shirts and an updated website. i haven't been terribly present with emails and news so if i needed to embrace some sort of resolution, it would be to upkeep that aspect of art-making. i'm continually working toward that.
in other unrelated news, i've got that itch for the horizon again.. wondering how soon i can save some pennies for another vacation.

art. work. ing. it.

i've been busy with my many jobs and regret that i've not had much time to update with news.
currently, i'm working on prepping for two different shows. the first will open at the Basement Gallery for the month of September. i feel i should mention that i will be unable to attend the opening for that First Thursday as i will be working a little event called burning man. i hope that doesn't dissuade any of you to attend and check it out. i'm uncertain as to the other artists that will be showing with me during that month, but when i find out, i'll post it up.
the second show will open at the Visual Arts Collective for the month of October with a Halloween theme. i will be there for that opening.
i'll post more photos of some of the recent workings from both shows as i progress.. small teasers and such. here's a few for now:

^for the basement show

^for the VaC show

winter tunes

presenting for your semi-bored pleasure and a limited time, [a small fraction of] my winter playlist. so act now.

1. fear of tigers - i can make the pain disappear(monsieur adi remix)
2. dinosaur jr. - said the people
3. loch lomond - tic
4. bears of the blue river - the wringer
5. a fine frenzy - happier
6. foster the people - pumped up kicks
7. yacht - psychic city(classixx remix)
8. the wombats - tokyo(vampires & wolves)
9. the cranberries - ridiculous thoughts
10. casiotone for the painfully alone - new year's kiss
11. caribou - sun(star guitar remix)
12. robyn - dancing on my own(fred falke remix)
13. sufjan stevens - i walked
14. boy & bear - the storm
15. nick cave & the bad seeds - into my arms
16. mark ronson & business intl - need somebody to love me
17. tom waits - pony
18. evelyn evelyn - evelyn evelyn

a fine frenzy.

a song off my winter playlist, hopefully to post soon..
still been pretty busy playing catch-up from my trip. behind on some things like my trip journal, but once that's finished, promises to have some pretty interesting tales. i've got some big things in the works and a couple shows scheduled for this year that i'm pretty excited about. one is a halloween-themed show at the Visual Arts Collective for October, and headlining a September show at the Basement Gallery. i'll post some progress photos of that work as it comes.
^from the flying m's "monster in the cabinet" show
also. did the art for the Boise Weekly's Fiction 101 this year. should be out soon. i love the challenge of illustrating those small works of fiction. taking 101 words and trying to make sense out of them and create an image from it is why i continue to love my job.
i'm thinking about posting some more free art in the coming weeks, so watch for that.

randoms.

attended the boise weekly cover auction last week and it was a great experience. i tend to shy away from public events where my art is up for display in general. i think most artists do. with my little sister in tow- her wearing my name tag 'cause i'm shy, right- we sat and watched the bidding process and boozing of locals and art patrons. i loved the energy. i love this community. and seeing my fellow artist friend's work being sold is always inspiring.

for those who don't know, i'm one of the artists participating in the trey mcintyre project's 9+1 show. it opens first thursday in december. i saw some of the arts turned in the other day and was blown away. there's some amazing stuff worthy of checking out. plus, you're supporting a great local dance group. they do pretty amazing stuff, those guys.

i'm still working on collecting a bunch of my art for selling. there's a lot of small stuff like sketches that i never did anything with and random boise weekly illustrations that i'll probably sell for very cheap just to get rid of them. i hate seeing art in drawers when someone would rather hang it up. anyway, i'll have those posted and for sale at some point in the near future.

what else? oh. one of my favorite british tv shows has made it across the pond to the states. i was skeptical at first, but it's looking to be pretty promising. i feel about 13 years old when i say i'm excited about it:

Skins - MTV Shows

boise weekly cover auction

hey guys. the boise weekly cover art auction is happening tonight at the historical museum, so be sure not to miss it. i've got a cover in the auction this year, so i'll be in attendance as well. details on the photo below.

i'm finishing up a few pieces for the trey mcintyre project. they have a group of artists involved in what is called 9+1. there are nine dancers in the company and one trey mcintyre, hence the name. artists were encouraged to attend rehearsals and watch the performance and follow their inspiration to creating art centering around the dance company. i just wrapped a video interview for the trey mcintyre project this morning. on account of my backpacking trip, i am the last artist participating in the TMP 9+1 show to shoot a video and i've been told they're posting them up on Trey McIntyre Project's facebook page if you're curious. my interview promises to be the most awkward one.. meh. one can hope.

i had a meeting yesterday for a project i'm pretty excited about contributing to. i'll post more about that when i've got something concrete in the works for it. annnd. i'm still going through my art stash and will post more art up for sale later this week.

up for this.

i've finally returned from my backpacking trip around europe and the uk. it was an awesome time with ups and downs and beautiful moments. i'm working on finishing up my trip journal since returning. finding time on the road to keep up with writing each day became a struggle. there was too much input and not enough downtime to record it all. while the memory is fresh, i'm going to finish it. i have to.
i feel like so many people talk about doing things and never do them. seeing the world and putting all your belongings into a pack strapped to your back? seems to be one of the things that everyone dreams about doing, but never quite comes to being. i won't lie. it was a hardship. it was expensive, even living as cheaply as possible. finding time off work was near impossible-- finding the time, in general, where you didn't have responsibilities barking up every avenue wasn't an option. the only thing i knew was that my time was short. responsibilities only grow over the years. i had some money saved up, i quit my job, booked the tickets with my friend and we didn't look back.
if you want to do something, do it. quit talking about it. you'll find that if you say "yes," the world opens itself to you and you have everything to gain from it.
remember that your time will run out and you have the rest of your life to make money. a pal i met while staying in zurich, switzerland said something that stayed with me during my travels: you follow your dreams. even if it keeps you poor in money, you'll always be rich in life.

also. i'm going through my stash of art. i need to make room for new stuff. every single wall in my house is covered with it-- not that this is a bad thing-- but i need the space, so i'm going to be selling a bunch of stuff cheap just to get it out of drawers, cupboards, and off the floor. stay posted over the coming weeks. i'll be digging out everything i've got around this place.